My Diva

She's so freaking sweet on so many levels that I couldn't even begin how much she's touched my life. I've watched her fall only to pick her self up and start climbing again. I know she knows that she's fabulous and climbing that damn hill in those heels isn't easy, but she makes it look like it is. She's raising two boys on her own who are now teenagers. And now she is my best friend and co-worker. We recently went to the casino the other night and had a blast like we always do when we are together at work or outside. There is no other like her and there will never be another to take her place no matter where she goes she is in my heart. Love you Diva and thanks for the fun!! HERE'S TO 2012!!

12/29/11

So there are talks that next year will be a better year, just like we said in 2010 going into 2011. I personally don't think 2011 was all that bad. It wasn't the greatest year but it wasn't the worst either. The prior year can suck my balls for all it inflicted upon me that's for sure. The bad thing is those inflictions are going to stay with me long after I am gone but it is apart of growing up and getting older. So here is to 2012 and hopes that I have a safe move in October or a painless apocalypse which ever comes first.

Can't Stop

So I'll probably be off for a few, since I got my new toy I haven't wanted to do anything else, it's so nice to be a kid again!!

The Best

I hope you all had a great Christmas this year, now back to reality.........booooooooooo, hissssssssssssss, I was just getting to the best part of the dream too.

Merry Christmas

It's that time of year full of love and cheer. Presents and beer. Good friends and family.

Christmas Traditions

We all have them, we do it in our own ways. The traditions that have been handed down from our families shine through with a few tweeks to make them feel like our own. The bear and I are no different. We do the usual Christmas specials that we own most of them, and go and watch the craziness of the last minute shoppers. As soon as we are relocated to Cali, we have dreamed up a few new traditions. Being a little jealous and bitter about watching a live cam that is at Laguna Beach, the bear says one of the traditions will be walking the beach in shorts and sending pictures to his brother via text to rub in the fact that we aren't in Washington anymore and that it's not 30 degrees lol. He's so mean it's almost scary. From decorating the tree to the official start time of opening gifts to the mad house that is last dash shopping, this is my favorite time of year (besides my favorite holiday 4th of July). To quote my favorite Christmas flick "God Bless Us Everyone".

Country Strong

I do love my country music and if you want a great movie to watch followed up with a great soundtrack you can't go wrong with Country Strong. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be first off. I never though Gwenyth Paltrow would be as good as she was, and Tim McGraw was just amazing. He showed emotion and played his character with passion. The music was just ear pleasing to me. My favorite song is "Coming Home" sung great by Leighton and Gwen, "Chances Are" is my second fave. But all in all I would give the movie a must watch by all those country lovers out there.

Ready, Willing, & Done

This is going to be an interesting Christmas. I've been having a recurring dream as of late that's totally playing with my emotions and my mind. For those who've ever lost a loved one or multiple, you know the dream I am talking about. This was the same dream when I lost my Grandpa and now for my Dad. It's never easy and something that you'll never get over and if you think you can and it is you have no emotions and are a cold-hearted person. The bear had a Christmas request bestowed upon him last night while we were down decorating the parents tree. He is on the look out for 2 presents for his dad, on top of that I was shooed away so they can talk about my gifts, to which I'm easy to shop for. Earlier in the day, the bear's brother had asked what we got for his daughter and like last year and the year before that, we got her nothing for the same reasons, she has tons of people buying for her and we saw no reason to buy her anything, but since guilt set in, we broke down and gave the $5 gift card we had received from Toy R Us. To which I had foreseen would happen, and to be more scarey, he was using it to purchase legos when I told the bear that's what he should use the card for originally. So between the present hunting to the unexpected gift giving, it's going to be an interesting couple of days to say the least.

I Hope It Never Goes Away

I've been around a few people who's moods change on the holidays. Either they go from grinches or whos it's always something different for everyone. This time of year is always a joyous one for me. I love to give gifts, I love the company and I love the atmosphere. From the specials on tv to the quirky little traditions we all come to love, there is always that feeling of "It's Christmas". I still get those feelings when we gear closer to the day of our lord's birthday or the day that Santa comes to town as if I were a 9 yr old waiting to unwrap his newly acquired GI Joe. I pray that this feeling washes over everyone and that it never goes away.

Christmas Shopping

Oh I can't wait, I get to finally do some shopping for my loved ones. This is my second favorite thing to do for Christmas, walking around to see what pops out at me and screams "I'd be perfect for so and so!!" The sad thing is I already did the bear's present, Disneyland x2 this year, so we aren't getting anything for each other. Hell Disneyland was fun so I would say it was the best present EVER!! My list of demands consisted of cd's like always, but I'm always surprised when I unwrap something that wasn't on my list but I thought about all year just never included it. The bear's parents are wonderful this way. This is going to be fun.

Moment of Weakness

I've had a temporary lapse in my weight loss. I've gained 6 pounds since Thanksgiving and just haven't found the motivation to lose any of it. However I refuse to gain anymore than that and so far I've done a good job keeping it that way. I need to buckle down and just do my exercise so I can lose those extra pounds and maybe even drop a few more, but I'm seriously thinking about waiting until after Christmas, so I can do nothing but concentrate on losing instead of stuffing myself with all the goodies that come with the holidays (damn fudge). I have some kind of strong will power in here somewhere.

It's All Good

I'm glad to be back to the norm. Thank you all for your warm welcome back to "the land of the living" as some of you delicately put. I can't say this is the last time that I'll leave for the night shift, but hopefully with the knowledge I've bestowed upon the auditors, this will be the last one for awhile. This Sunday, the bear and his brother fixed a major part of our car to which I'm also thankful for. I now can drive with a piece of mind that the car will run a little better. I'm looking forward to Christmas which is less than two weeks away. I'm also looking forward in clearing off the stack of billing that has surfaced on my desk just for my arrival back. Staying busy makes the time at work bearable and the time go by faster.

Locked Out and Panic

This morning when warming up the car to leave work, Scott our security guard was watching the lunar eclipse and asked me to join him. I figured why not since my car had to defrost anyway. I get out and reached back in to roll up the window and shut the door. After a few minutes I noticed that my car was defrosted and being tired from working over night I decided that it was time to call it a night. Unbeknownst to me I had hit the lock with my elbow or something and accidentally locked myself out of my car for the first time in my life. Out of shear panic I called the first person I knew would answer their phone, my brother in law (the bear's brother). He suggested calling his parents to come and wake the bear up for assistance. Not really knowing that the bear had his phone on, I gave it a shot and luckily he had it on and apparently he had told me that he was leaving it on since our car was having issues of course he may have told me when I was on the computer or was distracted and never heard him. He suggested that I call Tribal Police to see if they did lock outs. I felt like a dumb ass for not thinking of that, nor would I have in a million years, like I mentioned before this was the first time I had ever locked myself out of any vehicle. Long story short, they were able to assist with my new found retardation. I caused a huge "family wide panic" (as the bear calls it) for something that was an easy fix. Moral of this story is that a lunar eclipse and a cute security guard is not worth it, and by the way, that was my first lunar eclipse too so I guess it was a night of firsts. The bear told me tough shit if the car is cold, you will have to deal with it. I'm so glad I married for brains and not money.

All Considered

It's kind of nice revisiting my roots for better lack of words. Working the audit has really helped me appreciate where I've been and where I am now and where I can go. I'll be glad to get back to my norm come Monday, but for now I'm just picking up the rear and doing my training part as well as my regular job. I do miss my peeps that's for sure.

Living My Own "Back to the Future"

Bring on the graveyard shifts. I'm ready to get this started, but have one more day to wait. I'm getting my body used to working over night and used to the demanding schedule again. The best part about this, is I only have to do it for 4 nights. Then it's back to the office the following Monday, to which I'll be going in late due to a Doc appointment. And to an empty office pretty much. Thank god for my partner in crime, I'd go crazy.

Where It All Began

Crazy to think that I ever worked graveyard and actually liked it. Nothing much has changed in my feelings for the position. It's what got me where I wanted to go. Going back and watching new people learn it is very cool to me, especially when I'm the teacher. I love the fact that I am trusted enough to get the new auditors trained and still be able to do my normal job in accounting. This has to prove to them that even though I am planning on moving next year that I"m not going to just give up on the company. So instead of sleeping at 11pm, I'll be just clocking in for work. Who said you can never go home again?

Change

This expression has so many meanings to so many people. Change is something you either except or are just scared of completely. For me, change is the fear of the unknown and adventures that are awaiting me. Our plans to move to California scares me but the fear will not stop us from making our way to our dream. Change is taking risks that may or may not break you. I will not let fear control my destiny, my dreams, or my change.

You Saved Me

It feels like a life time ago, but I can't stress enough how me moving to Western Washington to be with my bear saved me a world of disappointment and strife. Not to say that living at home would do this to me, but I don't see it any other way. As it was back then, the same goes for our future. I was a scared little kid leaving the comforts of home. I'm now embarking on a similar adventure to the south, this time I have my bear and I'm not alone. I'm pretty confident in my skills that I'll be alright down there. I'm tired of being ruled by fear of the "not knowing". That being said, my bear has saved me time and time again and it's my turn to save him from this depressing state.

11/26/11

It was so good to see my friend again after a 4 or 5 month stint. Even though I may have offended her, she still remains a good friend regardless. Watched an okay game where the Huskies shutdown the Cougs. It was a great night for beer shots and food with friends.

Imagination Gone Wild

All I have to say is that people come up with the craziest things in their spare time. As mentioned on the House of Diva, people have given new meaning to just hanging around. Last night at the football game, new Penn State jokes were invented. Who knew that so much talent swirls around like the water in a toilet bowl after flushing. There is always new ways to become entertained no matter what the situation. If you use your brain anything is possible.

WHY?

This is the one question we use to ask all the important questions. This weeks question is: "Why does the weekend and our days off go by so damn fast?" Ponder this one ladies and gentlemen. Who am I kidding, no one reads this thing, lmao.

Thanksgiving & Black Friday '11

One more week before t-day and I'm so excited. I love to eat thanksgiving foods. The only thing I really miss about eating dinner with my family is watching football and picking a fight with my brother. Oh, and the huge family poker games we used to play, way to teach the children how to gamble at the ripe ages of 7. Then I get to go watch the mad dash as people shop for their loved ones as cheaply as possible. Nothing says I love you kids than half price. We have turned into a spectator sport, but it's more controlled chaos now days then the trampling episodes of the past. Oh well, organized is still fun to watch. You can see in people's faces the excitement of finding the good deals slowly dissipate as the morning drags on. After the 11th store, they are absolutely exhausted and cranky. No more smiles on their faces as they push and pull their loaded carts around a very crowded store. When they are still bargain hunting, we are back home warm and sleeping until 1pm. Will I ever shop black Friday again, NOPE. I just like to watch lol.

Are You Ready?

Happy Friday!!

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

I never realized that being an adult would cause this many headaches and childish behavior. Silent treatments, arguing over "toys", talking gossip (can never escape that not matter what age), and my personal favorite throwing huge tantrums when you don't get your way and the pouting afterwards. I already knew about the hardships adult life has like paying bills, getting a good job, hoping and praying that you have enough education to bump you to the next level. Take all of this and mix in human emotion and you pretty much have me. I am one of the lucky ones though, I found love at an early age. I worked my butt off to excel in what ever I do, but failed at going any further due to "hurt feeling" and "jealousy". To be an adult is to learn from past mistakes and try real hard not to repeat them. Live life as a gift and not a chore.

11/14/11

Lets just say that Monday was your typical Monday full of the usual stuff. Finish payroll, clean up messes, and jot down all the messages from the phone that you knew you wouldn't get to that day. All adds up to a very busy day for yours truly. Just another day in paradise right?

Reliving Childhood

I've been watching The Wonder Years via netflix the past couple of days. It's like watching them through my 10 year old little eyes all over again. The same feelings are there and it feels as if it was just yesterday. I remember majority of the scenes and what was to come next. Oh how a young brain soaks up the most obscured things. I always believed that there was a little of all the characters in all of us. But what did I know, I was 10.

It's Friday

Another Friday is here and I'm so looking forward to not doing anything at all. It's going to be a stormy weekend and staying indoors is the perfect way to spend it.

You Can't Make Me

It's that time again to bitch, whine, and groan about going to work. Although, it hasn't been all that bad lately not that it ever was so horrible to begin with. I'm coming to my 4th year with the lodge and I'm happy with where I am right now. I definitely would take my job with me to Cali but that doesn't seem logical at this point. Oh how I wish we could just have money and blah blah blah. I am and will always be someone with a job no matter what it is. That's just fact and a realization that will never change. Not saying if I won the lottery or a big jackpot that I wouldn't take some time off and enjoy the serenity of not having to deal with a time clock, but eventually I would tire of it all and get a jobby job. Any how, it is that time once again to get my butt into gear and head out the door.

Gotta Love It

Getting better from being sick and enjoying the weekend. It started out with a casino run with my Diva and a few others from work however 8:30 was our limit lol. Yesterday, I took my bear and the winnings and hit the other casino and was there until 8 and didn't win anything. Oh well, that's the way the universe works, it gives and takes. Today, the bear suggested that we go window shopping for Christmas and I have to deliver my Christmas demands or I mean list to the parents. I love shopping for others, and a little for myself. Just wish the weekends were a little longer, but even then they would have to end sometime.

11/2/11

I can't believe it's Thursday already, but this is about yesterday which was pretty uneventful in my eyes, but being sick makes everything go by in a blur. I had a weeks worth of stuff to catch up on and believe it or not, thanks to the useless one, I'm not completely behind. Today is going to be a long day but I don't mind one bit. I'm feeling better and to be able to function like I have is just amazing to me, but I didn't have a choice really. Weekend is almost here and I can wallow in my own misery.

Disney Trip 2011 / Getting Sick Sucks

Here is a twofer, we got back from Cali on Saturday and lets just say we had an amazing time. The bear says that this is the last trip he takes during Halloween though, because he wants his mansion back to the original state. When we left Washington, it was 40 degrees and pissing down rain. In 2 hours, we landed in Cali where it was 80 degrees and sunny. This starts the second part of the blog, because I started to feel sick on Tuesday, the day of the Halloween party. The Halloween party was fantastic, who would have guessed that we would ever trick or treat around Disneyland? Not me, not in a million years, but it happened. We rode the rides a whole bunch of times, except for one of my favorites Pirates due to it being refurbished. I wasn't going to let that stop me from having fun, it just felt empty in a way. As mentioned before, I started to feel crappy on Tuesday with each day getting a little worse, but with all the walking we were doing, I powered through. Saturday coming back, the bear and I both were feeling the sickness creeping up on us now that the trip was over. I can't speak for the bear, but mine was kicking my ass and I was so damn cold. The bear took my temp and it was 102. WTF? Here it is Wednesday, over a week, and I'm now starting to feel a little better. I hope this thing doesn't last much longer, and thank god I'm looking into getting a real doctor today.

Returning Home

The flights there and back were amazing to see everything so tiny way up in the air. Our vacation was amazing and we had a wonderful time. Hate that it's over already and that I have to return to the old grind today, but a week worth of catch up should keep me grounded. Even though we brought back colds with us, I still have to get all the wonderful peeps paid. How awesome it is to return with a relaxed attitude about everything. Just to know that my journey is just beginning for the change that I desperately need. Step 1 is complete, finish with the trip. On to step 2, paying off all the credit cards. How good it is to be home, when this doesn't feel like home to me anymore.

Last Post Before Trip

As many of you know (many meaning my Diva who I think somewhat reads my blog) I'm leaving tomorrow to the happiest place on earth. Our plane leaves @10:40 and land @ 1:30 to John Wayne Airport. We will be gone from Saturday  to Saturday. How awesome is that? We've been talking about this trip since February and it's finally here. Everyone who knows me knows how excited I am and how I totally need this trip. So until I return every one will have to be on their best behavior. I will post pics as soon as we get back. Everyone be good!!

Antsy Anyone

We are getting closer and closer to our trip and we are going freaking crazy!! I stare at the clock when I should be working, the bear is pacing around the apartment like a mad man. This is bad and good at the same time. Bad because patience is not our strong suit and good because Disneyland still makes us excited (the feeling I hope never goes away no matter how old we get). I've already checked out which means that I am a walking zombie at work right now. Just a body walking the halls of the lodge when my mind just got off of Thunder Mountain. It's going to be okay because it just has to be.

Monday Pains

Granted, yesterday wasn't bad at all, but we all have those Monday pains from time to time. The dread of having to go to work after having an amazing weekend (or in my case a very relaxed non productive one). I managed to keep my sanity in check long enough to help out my partner in crime keep her composer. I scared the shit out of another co worker to the point where she started to hyper ventilate. I even got a lot of work done that I've put on the back burner for a while. This week I've vowed to stay as busy as possible just to make it go by faster. I get rewarded big time with my flight to Cali. Just a word of warning though, there will be absolutely no answering of the damn phone or calls made while I'm away. It's strictly vacation time for me. It's going to be as if I don't even have a jobby job or a life up here. Just me, the bear, and the happiest place in the world. The suck part is when I return, it's going to be Monday again sigh!! Oh well until I get there, FUCK IT!!

Cheers (I'll Drink To That)

Friday was very very entertaining before dinner, during dinner and after dinner. I was feeling pretty good getting to Fujiama's and texted a few of my cohorts to see if they had arrived yet and nothing. I walked to the parking lot and noticed that our receiver was there already so I finished my smoke and headed inside to see her at the bar nursing a beer. I sat next to her and ordered a beer myself and we started to talk. The bartender then asked if we were with a party that was in tonight and she told him who we were with and started to sell the place which was freaking awesome. It was at this moment I noticed that there were $5 Long Island Ice Teas on the menu for Friday and was like give me two. Everyone arrives at this point and we all sit around our hibachi grill giving our orders to our server and drink orders as well. The bear had told me to try a Mai Tia. Two later, I think I fell in love with them because they made me feel good. I sat next to our IT and Retail guys, they were just a kick in the ass and I couldn't help but join in on the laughter. Our griller was good but I was told the guy that was behind us was better and I could hear them doing their thing and it was just hilarious. After dinner we all met in the parking lot as we lost two of our party, being 5 left we decided to head over to P & Q. I rode with my partner in crime, as we followed our boss man around the parking lot of the mall just to end up where I had suggested to park to begin with. We enter the bar and notice that the couches were free so we sat and just talked for awhile, then it was time to break out the singles for a little juke box action. I had Rhiana playing in the car, blasting Cheers from her last album but didn't even think twice on playing it on the box. Instead I played a few of my usuals and a few new ones. After about an hour we say good bye to my partner in crime as she needed to get back to her daughter. Around 11:50 the four remaining decide that is was time to call it a night as well, as our songs ended, so did our drinks. To end the night I had Rhiana's song in my head which made me a happy guy as I fell asleep. CHEERS TO THE FREAKIN WEEKEND, I'LL DRINK TO THAT!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du9pzz2bZ24

Patience

Why is it everytime I get closer to a trip I become a dick. I'm not sure what goes off in my brain that sets me off. I'm surprised that I even have friends when I return from vacation. It's so fucking stupid that I get this irritated with people. I just want to stay home for the next week and do nothing while waiting for our vacation, but then I would be bored doing nothing. I believe I get really impatient waiting for something and the closer it gets the more impatient I become. I really don't get it, I've waited this long for the day to come and now that it's only 9 days away I want it even faster. Call it excitement if you will, but I should be happy and not angry. Oh well, the best thing I can do is stay positive and be patient and my fun will be here soon enough. Only 9 days away and we'll be in Disneyland. I'm too fucking excited maybe that's my problem lol.

10/11/11

The closest thing to serenity is the knowing that we have choices. My choice at this moment isn't a popular one but it is what I want to do. Anyone who has ever had to make a difficult decision knows what I'm talking about. Doing something new and away from ones comfort zone is a scarey and unpredictable place to be, but I'm ready and I'm not going to let fear control my future (I was going to say destiny but that's too cheesy). I'm proud to say that I'm going into this blindly though. I have thought long and hard about what I should do to achieve such a goal and have realized my dream at last.

12 Days and Counting

So by now everyone knows that we leave for California in now 12 days. Disneyland is our home away from home. It's one of many reasons why we want to relocate to Southern California. It has been a dream of mine for some time now and to actually see it come to fruition would be amazing. I'm super excited for this trip being the bears and my 7th time to Disneyland and my 9th time going. Our first time flying together and we couldn't be happier to be down there in 2 hours instead of the usual 2 day driving trip. I can't wait, I feel like I'm 9 yrs old all over again.

Lazy Days

God I love the weekends. The days were there is absolutely nothing to do but sit on your ass. So relaxing and enjoyable. The bears birthday was great, kind of made it a three day event for him. I took him out to Chinese buffet Friday, his dad made chicken fried steaks Saturday and having cake and ribs tonight. What a feast and event for him. Just so damn nice to be with him on his day.

Another Week

What a weird week it was to say the least. My diva went down for the count but has recovered. My partner in crime got an extra day off. I worked a shit ton of hours and right when I was down a day actually got sent home with fear of 3 hrs of overtime. I'm super stoked now since it's only 2 weeks before I'm outta here for a week, and then it's planning time to make our escape to Cali forever!! We have a two year plan in place but I don't want to wait that long. The time is here and now and it's a huge possibility for our plan to come sooner rather than later. All this happened and more this week. Wednesday will be elected the favorite day due to a surprise I received after putting in 12 hours. The bear is so damn awesome!! Month end is almost to the end and then it's preparation time for the SOX audit. I believe we are ready but that is a story for next week, wish us luck. I finally let my frustrations and anger go yesterday, life is too damn short to hold onto such negative energy for as long as I have. I look back and realize how fucking stupid it was to feel that way. I did it without saying a damn word too, which I was kind of scared that I might just blow up. Something just clicked and I sighed a little and it was just gone. So I can go on back to my old self again, back when everything was good.

The Art of Being Disappointed

Ever work a scenario in your head and the outcome to the situation never pans out the way you imagined it? I have many many times. I think that I know better, then I realize that there were major flaws in the thought process and disappointment hits HARD. I sometimes realize that it was way better that my plan didn't go through but oh how great it would be to have it your way, then they tell you to go to Burger King and you get all confused because they don't play those commercials anymore. I'm just to the point to where I would be happier if things were a little different, and the days weren't so damn annoying. A day without questioning myself to why I'm still bothering when it seems no one else fucking cares. I just smile that secret smile to show that I know how to carry on. I guess I can dream a little dream of a flawless plan right?

Taking It All In

Yesterday had to be a good day for yours truly. Almost 12 hours in and I got all caught up with everything from going home early on Friday. Last week was so freaking weird, so I'm hoping that this week goes a little smoother, but being month end (our busiest time in the accounting department) I'm going to doubt that. With our audit only a week away, things are getting a little lets just say bizarre around the office. I honestly believe we have nothing to worry about, hence the reason we had corporate here to help with all that is involved. We can play the blame game all we want, but when it comes down to it we are responsible. Plain and simple, it's just something we have to move past and just go forward with the new (not so new) changes. The reason I add "not so new" is due to the fact that this is how the department is supposed to run from the beginning and I'm now just hearing things like "We were never taught that" or "I had know idea that we were supposed to". A bunch of excuses when in fact that it hasn't been right from the beginning yet no one wants to take responsibility and continue like nothing was wrong and that this all brand new information when in fact the knowledge was right there this whole flipping time. I'm just thankful that all this was caught in time to make the changes necessary to move past this fiasco that has bestowed us. The only thing that makes me a little upset is why we weren't given the trust before from our previous boss. What was his reasoning behind it? Then again I may be just reading way too much into it. Who knows, all I can say is going forward, things will be better after all is said and done.

My Sister and Me

My older sister came down from Auburn yesterday to pick up my clarinet for her daughter. Yep, another family member is taking over the clarinet that has been passed down to me when I was in the sixth grade. My sister is back in school and showing the familiar face of any body who's in school. The frustration, stress, and fear of failing any of the many papers they'll have to do during the quarter. After venting to me about how she is a half a page shy of turning in her paper, we drove to get chicken and talked. This is special to me because growing up (teenage years btw) we didn't always get along. It was very seldom that we even hung out together. Looking back now just seems so damn pointless and I'm glad that I have developed this relationship with her now. She's been through some rough stuff, and mostly self inflicted too which she would be the first to tell you. I'm glad that she has decided to better her self and go back to school to learn what she can really accomplish in life. I had a great visit with her and the bear. In fact, the bear told her that she's his favorite out of my siblings due to the fact that she's the only one who comes to visit me out of the family. I'm just glad that me and her have a tight bond now and for that I'm grateful.

You Push And I Push Back

Lately, I've been having a hard time keeping my feelings in check. Yesterday I kept muttering the words "I Quit" at work. Those who know me, know that I was just talking shit that I would never quit out of frustration or annoyance because I'm above all that. I was just at my breaking point and when that happens I just say stupid things. I could make a promise at this moment to never be that way again, but who am I kidding that would never happen. I am a creature of habit and nothing will change that. I just need to keep my thoughts and words to myself before it gets me in trouble. Which brings me to the reason I say "Push Back". I changed my tune after helping a secretary with a simple receipt request. She in turn sent me a rewarding email saying how I must be a valued employee. Nothing makes you change your tune faster than positive feedback like that. I didn't do anything special but my job. I sometimes question if I do what I'm supposed to be doing and after last night I know that I am. People are right when they say the positive out weighs the negative because when I received that email the annoyance and frustration melted away. So push me, and I will still be standing. Push me harder and I might just push back with everything I have. You can't break me.

The Wedding Album

Every girl dreams about their perfect wedding and who they would marry when they come of age. From their pretend weddings in the back yard, to their doodles of hearts and initials written on pages of notebook paper. We hardly see the guys point of view when it comes what their thoughts are on getting married. I think it's because they are guys and don't think about the romantic stuff which is really sad but true. I one the other hand always thought of one thing that I would want at my wedding and no it's not flowers or the guest list, it's the music. I've always been a music junkie and I sit here thinking what songs would I want playing at my wedding. One group comes to mind because the lyrics they use pretty much describes how I feel about the bear: Lifehouse. Musical geniuses I doubt it, but lyrical soothers most definitely. My cousin Veronica played a great Bryan Adams song at her wedding that was a perfect fit for them. I would go with the following three songs for starters:

1. You and Me

2. Everything

3. All I'm Asking For

My wedding album would have a lot more but these three describe how I love the bear and wouldn't want to change a thing. Out of the world of music, I'm sure everyone has their perfect song.

In Love With My Own Mind

I can say that I'm full of myself, but people wouldn't believe this as being true. I do tend to joke a lot but that's just me. I'm never too serious about anything but there are a those moments that I can be serious when it calls and is appropriate. Those who know me know that I'm just a silly little man with aspirations to be better than I am without losing my sense of humor. I need to take a cue from my partner in crime at work and learn to let it go, but I just can't shake the feeling. So there are times that my roller coaster will take a huge dip to the negative region of the ride. It freaking sucks to feel so damn low at times. Lately, I haven't let my mind slip to that place which means I'm due for a mental break down. I just need to stop being so over dramatic. I'm very weird that way, one minute I'm joking and having a good time and the next I'm down in the dumps feeling sorry for myself and shit like that. It's really retarded that I don't have my feelings in check, but I am a little crazy and it goes with the territory. I can sit here and lie to myself and vow that I'll never be so down blah blah blah, but like I said it's only lies. So I deal with my mind playing tricks on itself making myself believe in things that aren't true and there you have it, down again.

5 Things You Probably Didn't Know

Shocking people is nothing new to me, I do it all the time with the words that come out of my mouth. Yet, some of my friends don't know my whole story. So I'd like to fill you in on 5 things you may or may not know about me.

1. I attended 3 different high schools before graduating in 1996

2. I got over a 100 stitches in both my feet when I was 6

3. I was in swim team for 2 years with the backstroke being my strongest event

4. For being the meanest brother in the world (and I was pretty rotten), my youngest brother and sister paid me back by telling all my classmates that I played with a vibrator. I was in the 6th grade.

5. I was engaged to be married to my girlfriend after we graduated high school. We all know how that turned out.

There you have it 5 things you may or may not know about me. Have fun with these and maybe you'll feel the courage to share.

Why I'm Kiddless.....Seriously!!

Okay, for the record I don't mind kids. I do believe that they are our future and some can be adorable. I'm just glad that I'm not apart of any of it. I'm way to selfish to raise a child, people say you grow out of it, yet there are some parents that I've seen who haven't grown out of it and still have like 3 children. I tell people that I just have the patients, they tell me that it's something that you gain and yet here are mothers in a store just screaming at their child to behave, when in all actuality they are the ones to blame for their behavior. They would rather give in the child then have the patience to wait out the tantrums, because they are inconvenienced by the crying. Then there is the responsibility part, I can barely take responsibility for myself let a lone another human being. Just to sum it all up I would be a horrible parent, this I can fess up to. I just wish others realized this before breeding.

Oh Friday

I just love knowing that tomorrow is my day off and all I have to do is survive 8 hrs. I know that I just got back from a 5 day mini vaca, but people drive me insane lmao!! Especially when they have no clue about anything at all. It amazes me how some people have survived this long for being so stupid, but like the bear says "They are the lucky ones who breed like rabbits". Even though today is payday, it doesn't bother me that I'm not as busy as I once thought I would be. It's great to know that I did 3 days of work in 8 hrs with very little interruptions. I love my job, I love what I do despite the headaches that come with the position. I'm ready for a Kinect weekend and just act a fool with my new system. Friday I love when you come around, oh and I have a month left before we head to our home away from home.......DISNEYLAND!! To work there would be a dream come true, I'm just throwing that one out there for those who don't know about my love for that place which is shadowed compared to the bears love for it. Well it's shower time, and time to get this week over with.

I Won

I've had many accomplishments in my lifetime. I've been employee of the month from two of my jobs. I've graduated high school barely. I marched with my high school band in the Rose Bowl Parade and through Disneyland. I was graduation speaker when I  graduated from Job Corps (which may not be college it's the closest thing I got). I've received several promotions over the years. I'm partnered to the most wonderful bear. The list goes on and on and I can continue talking about me, because this is my blog after all. The most recent is from out company's function last night. They had an auction and the company spent over $8000.00 on prizes to win. Going into this I had my heart and mind set on one thing and one thing only and that was a game system (just for the motion control). I found out that it was the last item up for bids. I was excited to see that I was Top 5 in points so the chances were good. As the night progressed I watched as the participants who had more points than me were bidding like crazy and winning, until I was left "Top Dog" as I liked to call it. Finally, the item I most wanted came up and I was so shaky from excitement that when a co worker stole my paddle for a split second I wanted to knock him out for messing with me. The bidding started and a few aquatic kids foolishly decided to bid against me, and I thought to myself "how fun." They got to my breaking point as they bid 700 and turned to them and back to the auctioneer and proclaimed "1000". Turning back to the kids, I watched as they put their paddles down in disappointment and defeat. I WON, I couldn't believe that I won my xbox 360 w/ Kinect. I took a picture with my phone and sent it to the bear who responded with a YAY! I was a happy cubby last night with more "I won" moments to come.

Much Needed R & R

Just sitting here on the couch relaxing before I take the aminals (that's how I say it, I know it's wrong) for their walk. No work today, just an appointment I have go to. After that it's sit my ass at home time and do absolutely nothing. I'm really enjoying this time off, but getting into the real part of it since I always get weekends off (unless requested other wise). Well here's to extended weekends, relaxing, and what ever you have to cheer about.

Rain, Rain, And More Rain

I understand the usefulness of rain and how it keeps life going and what not. Maybe it's my jaded side that comes out from living here so damn long. When it rains all I want to do is move sooner than later. I'm sure I'd miss after some time, but I'll never know if I don't leave. Because of the rain, I've seen major flooding a couple years back to back, and that is just my surroundings. The plus side is that the state is very green (west side of the mountains for the most part). I do enjoy the beauty of our state. I'd give it all up for some warmer weather year round. I think I'm becoming one of those old people, lol.

It's The Simple Things

I had a great day yesterday, with the one exception but I'm leaving that one off because it was so irrelevant. I spent some time listening to a friend as they explained their frustrations. I got all my work done that I had planned for the day plus the extra stuff that was asked of me. When I got home I was greeted the usual way by the dogs happy to see me and the bear playing his game. It's the simple things like this that makes life worth while, nothing complicated, no fighting, just a usual relaxing day. It puts a smile on my face knowing that this is how it is normally on a daily basis. From work to home, it's not as bad as I bitch about and I apologize to those I vent to about things I really shouldn't let it bother me, but when you deal with stupid people the only alternative is climbing a clock tower (normally in my head and it's more a video game than anything). Just smile regularly, say hi to almost everyone you see, and just have good thoughts flowing and the vibe of the day will remain simple.

Music Equals Soundtrack

This one is more a question then a blog. What songs would you put on your personal soundtrack to your life? Most soundtracks come with 13-14 songs at least, so make a list and implement it into your life. You may just be surprised on how feel when you get these songs together on one CD or playlist. Here's my 14:

1. When I Grow Up - Garbage

2. Material Girl - Madonna

3. Too Deep - Genesis

4. Sex Drive - Dead or Alive

5. Vibeology - Paula Abdul

6. ADIDA - Korn

7. TGIF - Katy Perry

8. Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park

9. Dracula Moon - Joan Osborne

10. I Will Remember You - Amy Grant

11. The Fame - Lady Gaga

12. Everything - Lifehouse

13. All I'm Asking For - Lifehouse

14. S & M - Rhianna

I could list so much more this was harder than I thought it would be, my entire catalog of music should be here because all the songs have impacted me in one way or another. But there you go my 14 track of my life, look these songs up and enjoy my life in lyrical bliss. Some songs you won't like but you're not me either so there lol.

It Is What It Is

I have so many thoughts flowing through my tiny little brain that the only thing that helps to stop them from taking over completely is good old fashion sleep. I know that not everything I come up with is the best solution to any problem but it sure does look good on paper. I can plan for something and it never goes as such, but the end result always seems to be what I wanted it to be or very very close. I'm not very fond of not getting my way, hell who isn't. I do however except it as "It wasn't meant to be". I can deal with that, but what I can't deal with is the fact that some people never learn and they continue to do the same BS they've always done with out any consequences and that's just not right for the rest of us who do what they are supposed to day in and day out. I keep saying to myself "It's coming, they are going to get what's coming to them" and then nothing. I need to stop worrying about others and what they are or not doing and focus on what is more important........ME and the people who I love and adore. I'm going to take some advice, well actually follow her example, from my partner in crime and just let it go. I can only go so far holding onto this animosity for so long before it consumes my fragile little being. I'm going to take everything at face value and just do the one thing that is so damn hard for me........be patient. 

The Weekend 9/10-9/11

This weekend was uneventful because we did absolutely nothing lol. Saturday, we just did some running around like cash in our freebies from the Lucky Eagle and watched movies when we returned. Sunday, we just lounged around the house. I was a nice change of pace of always needing or wanting to go out and do something. Don't get me wrong, I'm no slouch just a go with the flow kinda guy. It's Monday now, and time to get my self back to work mode. It's never ending.

Takes One To Know One

I have many frustrations in my life dealing with a stressful job and managing a social life while making my man happy. All the hard working men and women out there that juggling a plate that is very full, I feel your pain. Ever feel that you are being stretched too thin? Me too, but I wouldn't want to change it for the world. Well maybe for a life of solitude on a beach somewhere (more specific somewhere in the Caribbean. just saying). All in all I really can't complain with how my life turned out. I have some wonderful friends and an even more wonderful man. I know I can't be the only one who has this.

Only In Dreams

Ever remember a dream when you wake up? You replay it through your mind and can remember doing something extraordinary like flying. People say that dreams are a manifest of thoughts flowing through your mind that you can see, but with a twist. Others see dreams as a gateway to some sort of omen or premonition of what is to come. Well I hope the second one isn't true because I don't think I want to be chased down by a horror movie character anytime soon. Dreams are away to recreate past events in your mind the way you remember them or how you want to remember them. The reality of it is you mind never shuts off. My favorite dreams are those that help me reconnect with loved ones that I've lost. To be able to have those last moments back for a little while are the greatest. I had a dream a while back involving a few people that I've lost dancing in a ballroom with their spouses one last time. I was a little kid again with my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. We were all watching as these couples danced around the center of the dance floor. These moments make me wish that they really happened and remind me that imagination is a good thing. Now to be chased around by Freddy Krueger from Nightmare on Elm St not so much fun but imaginative none the less. Okay, it is good to be scared sometimes, just reminds me that I am human and way too jumpy. Some times dreams reflect upon the days events and you can manipulate it to what you wish you would have said or done to make it more interesting. All in all, dreams are place where you can go and escape reality for the time you sleep rather you remember the dream or not. Just remember though it was only a dream.

Forgiveness

To start my newly blog, I would like to begin with something that isn't easy for me, FORGIVENESS. This comes from receiving as well as giving and it isn't always going to come. I would like to think that I"m a humble man who has experienced some major bs in my life. I've made huge mistakes, ones that I don't care to repeat making it a lesson learned situation. I forgive where forgiveness is warranted and letting go of grudges isn't easy for me. I'm one of those people that if you've done wrong to I'm going to hold on to that for a very long time. I don't forget anything rather good or bad. That being said, my ex-roommate recently reached out to me and the bear for the first time in 4 years. He really did a number on us and I thought we would never hear or see him again. One day the bear looks at me and says he misses the ex-roommate and that he wouldn't mind talking to him again. Come to find out, Karma is truly a bitch and bit the ex-roommate in the ass. For this, we forgave him for any wrong doings he did. But, there is another to whom I truly despise with all my being, she will remain nameless and her relationship to me will stay a mystery to all those who read this. She at one time was a good friend and there wasn't a time that I didn't think she was an awful person. As the years progressed I started to see her true colors as they shined through and realized that I wanted no part in such a hateful, self centered, and just plain gross person. Gross meaning her point of view and personality. Her demeanor towards another human being is just so damn unbelievable that you'd think she was a fictitious character that I made up for this blog, but no she is real. The only thing that pisses me off is the fact I let her have this power over me making me an emotional mess most of the time. I just realized that this is becoming a bitch fest more then anything so I'll drop it. I'm just going to close this subject by saying forgiveness is something that is earned and not to be given out like candy at Halloween. People who really show that they realized how they messed up and can truly apologize should be granted forgiveness. Those who never change will always be the ones who are forgotten in the long run.  "Seasons change but people don't" ~FOB. Thanks for reading and stay tuned because my point of view will shine through.