Final Entry

So I've decided that this will be the last blog entry. I no longer have a need for this and frankly I don't have the time.

For Reasons Unknown

Mondays are usually busy and all about playing catch up from the weekend. Two days off to do whatever you want, and Monday to talk about the activities you did, well not all the activities. You also learn shit you never wanted to about those you considered friends. I learned a hard lesson on why underlings are not allowed to be friends with their bosses. I still can't believe what I heard and for now on will just let it lay. I'm not going to keep apologizing. Instead, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. I'm see the signs and they are not very clear yet, but I can see danger a mile away. Time for me to back off.

Everything Must End

Here's to anyone having those Monday blues, the great thing is this is my last Monday for me. Starting next week my days will change to Tuesday thru Saturday. I'm really happy to do this change and be able to have a day where I can play catch up on all the side projects that have been given to me. First one being the Job Fair that the AGM wants me to do. So, I'll be spending my first Saturday researching and putting this together.

Friday found me being the drink bitch while watching my friends try their luck at the slots. They were up and down most of the evening but in the end it was them giving their money to the machines, except for one who walked out with $500. He did very well. Saturday was the day of FUN!! First I got my one chore out of the way by giving my poor hot dog a haircut. Then I went down to see my sister, who I haven't seen in almost 20 years. She's grown up so much and is doing so well for herself. She has an amazing husband and two adorable kids. I'm so proud of how much she's matured. After the visit it was time to return home and get ready for my night out. The bear decided to drop me off down town and stopped at the bank to get some drinking money out. When we pulled up to drop me off at the bar, my coworkers were just getting out of their car. So I decided to yell out the window at them and scared the shit out of them in the process. And the fun began. We met up at the Urban Onion for pre dancing drinks and to our surprise they were having a Karaoke contest. At first we turned down the offer, but after a few drinks in my system, I decided that I would throw my hat in the ring. The motto for the night was "FUCK THE WORLD". I chose a Ke$ha song and totally butchered the crap out of it, but the queens loved my dance moves and said I preformed it better than the original artist, which isn't really that hard to do. After my turn, we made our way to Jakes on 4th and danced the rest of the night. It was really really fun and would love to do it again.

Now it's Monday and time to go to work. BLAH!!

Past & Present

Today is a very busy fun time for me. I'm going to where I work to visit with my sister. A sister who I haven't seen in almost 20 years. I get to meet my nephews for the first time as well as her hubby. I'm super excited to give her a hug and hang out for a few. I think I'll be taking a lot of pictures. Around 5 or 6 two of my coworkers will be meeting me at work to head back up to my place and have some pre-drinks before we head out to down town Olympia, with the bear being our chauffeur for the evening. I'm so excited to just let my hair down and let the crazy with these people. 

Jealousy Can Be Aweful

I'm not one to get jealous in any means. There were times that I'd start to feel jealousy rearing it's ugly head and it was mostly because of the amount of money someone else was making or what ever. But I quickly get over it knowing how much time and education they've put in their fields. Then there is the relationship side of jealousy. I just don't get jealous knowing the ground rules that are made a head of time. Take for example me and the bear have been together 14 years and it's nice to see the bear get jealous showing his emotions. However, it's usually because of the shit people did to him in the past and comparing me to those jerk offs really pisses me off but I do see his point. You'd think after 14 years he'd know that I would never intentionally do anything like what they did behind his back and sometimes in his face. That seemed like a lifetime ago, which it really was. The bear's former best friend, rest in peace, was the worst of the worse. I honestly didn't see the friendship there knowing that this guy was the biggest talker in town, meaning he spread hate speech about everyone behind their back but would tell them he loved them to their face. I chalked it down that he was very jealous of the bear for finding someone to share his life with. When I moved over here I was 20 years old, new to the world it seemed, and very naive. Now I'll be 35 this July and think to myself "Was I ever that stupid?" the answer is yes, yes I was!! In that time, jealousy has just eluded me at every turn thankfully, and it's mostly due to learning how the game of life is played along the way. I'd be lying if I said I've never felt the jealous bug bite me, but I learned to deal with it and move on. Now anger, there's an emotion that I have a hard time with letting go, but that's a different topic for a different day.

Every Moment

Just remember that every single moment counts from the little boring detail to the extravagant trips and big adventures. You never know when the final curtain call will come but before that does live your life. Let go of all the shit from the past that doesn't matter any longer and no worries about the future because it hasn't been written. Hell, stop worrying altogether because it won't get you anywhere in this life. Just throw up those middle fingers and scream FUCK IT I DON'T CARE!!

To See You Again

I finally got to meet my great nephew yesterday. My niece and her boyfriend visited the lodge and it was a very very nice surprise. It was great to see them since I wasn't able to at Easter. I decided to get them fed with a pizza voucher that I hardly use and park passes also so they could have some fun instead of his sister having to pay. My great nephew is so damn cute!!

Fun to be Had

Last night was fun, and kind of dangerous. My partner in crime was her usual self winning and winning, while Diva was having fun just watching the pretty lights of the machines and pushing the buttons. Me and the bear were just wondering around trying our luck at whatever we normally play. Not doing so well for me and not wanting Diva to be done so quickly we got more money out, hence the dangerous part. However we managed to last long enough to see my partner in crime win even bigger than I've ever seen her in the past. Diva walked away ahead, but me and the bear were 300 down. Oh well, that is the life of gambling. We had a great time and that is what mattered.

I Can't Understand

While watching the local news yesterday afternoon, a breaking story with Brian Williams comes on. The only thing that ran through my mind is Korea fucking launched their missiles and here we go with WW3. No, it had to be closer to home and during an annual event to boot. Two blasts about 20 seconds apart went off as the runners were crossing the finish line. The last report I heard was that 2 people were dead including a child and many more were injured. It reminded me of the bombing of the Olympics that were held in Atlanta years ago. This is so tragic and sad that people are still doing acts of terrorism to prove a point. I haven't heard any details on who or what may be behind this senseless act of violence, but what ever the cause it didn't need to be like this.

Mistakes

Making mistakes in our lives only makes us stronger people, but that is only if you have learned from them and do not repeat them. I find it silly that people blame everyone else and not their partaking instead they place blame on everything else around them. Come on, take ownership of what you've done. Stop blaming the world for your problems. It's ridiculous that you are just a nameless victim of society. Haven't you learned that you are in charge of your own destiny and that whatever you give is what is given back. I can understand the wrong doing that was done to you, but if you get bit by a dog, do you continue going back to pet it? 

Going Into Another World

I would like to say that I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. I'm not perfect by any means, however people forgive the imperfections and chalk it down to being human and making stupid human mistakes. I wand to thank all those who are on my side for better or for worse. The future is unknown and the past is gone, the here and now is really all we have. So let's make the most of if damn it!!

Hmmm

Random thoughts this morning as it is time to head back to work. I had a thought that might piss some people off, but instead of blasting it all over Facebook, I figured I'd jot it down where no one goes. I thought about going off the grid sort of speak and just let myself become another face in the crowd and disappear which is something I'm really good at. Since I do have the personality of a roller coaster, with my ups and downs, I can be the life of the party or a wall flower that just sits there observing the masses. I'm not one to start shit but when it involves me I certainly can hold my own. It's this feeling I get from time to time that all I want is to be left alone even though that isn't truly what I want. I love being included in night outs with friends and the jokes that are said. I'm not conceited to the point to where I need everything to be about me or even everything said to me. If I'm out of the loop on something I'm not hurt in anyway shape or form. Everyone has their own lives to lead and I'm no different. But today feels blah to me, maybe because it's Monday and I have to go back to work, maybe it's because tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad's passing. Whatever the case maybe, I just want everyone to know that I'm not trying to be a martyr or anything, just some space would be nice. Granted I have a feeling that it's not going to happen because misery likes company. I will put on my brave face and pretend nothing is wrong then get into my car and have a good cry. I will just make sure that I don't have anything sad playing on my drive. I really hate this feeling of helplessness that washes over me, and after a great weekend too. My mind just slips into a bad place and I just can't shake it. The fucked up part is everyone knows me and knows all my moods. But I'm going to fake it as best I can. My partner in crime will notice right off the bat, but I'm going to swear her to secrecy. To the ones who actually do read this please no disrespect but give me my space today.

And Yes It Can Be Done

After all of the changes I've made in my life the one prominent one is my attitude and keeping it on the level I know I can keep it. Yes, there are times when people will push me and try to break me, but I'm stronger than that and my roller coaster of emotions has completely stopped at the station. I am human and will get frustrated still but taking it out on people will no longer be my outlet. The negativity around me will no longer affect my mood. Although it does play heavy on my mind, I will no longer let it control how I feel. I'm in such a wonderful place right now that it's just making me smile on a daily basis. Surrounding myself with positivity and great people (even though they may bitch and moan from time to time) has helped a lot. Thank you for letting me blow off some steam and not completely scare you away.

Saving Time

The brother in law returned from California on Sunday (Easter) and got my wheels turning. What if we were able to pay of the credit cards and head down ourselves. Then while the bear was house sitting we received a notice of re-upping our lease and get a month free after signing. Hell there is $1000 right there and then we would have our tax return to boot. This got me thinking "how fast can I pay off the credit cards?" After doing some budgeting I realize that hypothetically I could have them paid off in 5 months. This would give us plenty of time to get our butts down there next May (2014) for a great trip. I mean fun, sun, relaxation and we only have to wait a year. Granted so much could happen with in that year, like for instance the Lodge down there could be on its way to being built and I might have to go down for job fairs and SWAT. If all goes well, I'll be relocated there in no time as a manager in some aspect. But thinking in the here and now, my plan seems plausible and all it will take is some will power and me saying NO!! Saving is my favorite thing to do when it comes to any of our trips because that means I get to budget and the bear gets to research. I know the saying why start now, well the reason is I'm getting a $60 pay per view this Sunday which means the bear needs his entertainment as well, so here is to the last hurrah before we buckle down and get serious. We need and want this trip to be amazing and the only way this is going to happen is to be strong.

How Good It Feels

All is right with the world again. The bear is home and resting comfortably in his own bed after a week plus house sitting for his brother. Easter has come and gone, granted I didn't spend it with my family this year I still managed to eat a lot of ham. We are now in April and all I can say is hurry the fuck up because it's our turn to take a trip to Disneyland damn it!!

Easter Is Good

Especially when you don't have to be around crazy mother fuckers, or I mean family. Love you all but you drive me crazy with drama that has nothing to do with me what so ever!! I digress, I'm grateful that you are in my life and I love you all. Hope you have a great time enjoying each others presence.

All By Myself

Work is so hard to do when all you are thinking about is going on vacation to the Happiest Place On Earth. Knowing that someone is enjoying the parks makes it hard to concentrate and while they are down there me and the bear are separated in two different houses. I never realized how much I love having him around until he's not here. Granted it's only been a week, it feels way longer than that. I feel as if I've lost my left arm and now I'm not functional at all. Sitting around the house just isn't the same if you don't have someone to share it with. Sad as it may seem, I will never want to be alone EVER!! He really is the best thing that ever happened to me, but enough with the emotional mush. Have a great Wednesday!!

Weekend of Boredom and Torture

While the bear is out at his brother's house while they are down in Cali is great, because it builds the bridge of them watching our dogs when we go. However this weekend was nice to spend it with the bear and be tortured via technology, the not so nice part is that there wasn't much to do. Granted we are there to babysit basically, but besides the occasional skype with them from rides and such it was pretty boring. I think it had more to do that we were just freaking bummed that they are there and we are not. Oh well, back to work as normal today and the best part is I think I've broken my gambling habit for now. I have a bigger plan and a bigger dream in the works.

Vacation Through Technology

Since the bear and I can afford a real vacation this year, we've decided to live vicariously through others. Especially his brother since he's at our home away from home right now. We have this app for our phones that track our walking habits and it's equipped with GPS, well naturally it was only right for his brother to use it while walking through Disneyland and DCA. Technology has made it so much more torturous for two brothers who love the same place to brag, rub in, and show off what the other can't have or be right now. Today is their first day in the park and it's driving the bear mad, and I didn't help either by posting DCA's World of Color, but truth be told I was blubbering like a baby while watching it so it was only fitting to share my misery. But the tables will be turned next year when the bear and I head down for our 15th anniversary. We just need to save save save, to make it an even better trip than his brother's minus the scooter (long story). We will be driving down because it's part of the fun and adventure to get to our "Laughing Place". Although it's still over a year away and we have a lot to accomplish before than, it's still achievable.

On a quick work note, I received my review yesterday and it was what I expected, great's across the board. Granted I didn't get a huge raise, the good review was what I needed to go that extra mile.

All By Myself

While the brother in law is out exploring So Cal, I'm stuck at home by myself while the bear is house sitting. The last time I had to do this, I didn't really have time to do anything but work, eat, sleep and repeat. This time I'm able to go out to their place on the weekends and also the bear went with them. At least we aren't that far from each other this time.

Oh Great

Another weekend has come and gone, but got a lot accomplished. Although the car is still dirty, I got new work pants and a belt and some nice walking shoes for my struggle with weight loss, I do have to say I love these new shoes. We've decided that no matter how bored we get the casino is off limits for now. We need to get back into the black with our finances. Although we haven't gone overdrawn, I just don't want to get that far. With the bear's brother heading to Disneyland this week, I'm going to be home alone until the weekends, and this is going to drive the bear insane knowing that his brother is down there. The good part is that they have agreed to torture the bear even more by having him live vicariously through their trip via Skype and Sports Tracker. Not very eventful weekend but it was nice to relax and go shopping for some new clothes. It's almost payday again and couldn't be more happy about that!! Happy Monday!

Celebrating 5 Years

Last night, we had a dinner celebrating all the anniversaries for the lodge. Anywhere between 90 days to the folks making it to their 5th year. I was one of those who made it to 5. As an opening employee, I can say it has been a fun ride so far and I can't wait to see where this takes me from here. Yes, I have plans to move up and out of Washington, but right now I just want to learn everything. Diva has decided to take me up on teaching me everything she knows because she sees big things in my future. I couldn't be more excited to have such a wonderful mentor and friend as I've found in her. Thank you so much!!

You Said Good Job

Since I started at the lodge, I've had more appreciation from the people I work with than any job I've ever worked before. I feel like a dog who get's a "good boy" from time to time and then a pet on the head. Getting the promotions I have has really taught me the value of hard work and learning more each day. I kind of feel like Johnny 5 from "Short Circuit" with his famous line More Input. I can never get enough knowledge. The people are the best part, since we have so many different personalities, it's fun to sit back and watch as they go above and beyond to make a great work environment. Then you have those who are all Debbie Downers. Granted it takes all of us to make the world go round, but there are just some that you would rather avoid than associate with because you're just going to get an ear full of what is wrong with society. It's really a bummer too, because they are so damn intelligent. Looks can be deceiving.

Winner!!

So I won the biggest loser competition at work with a total of 29.8 lbs lost in 8 weeks. Makes me feel good and with $220 in my pocket, it's time to get some new clothes. I'm waiting until the weekend when we have more time to browse. The bear was shocked that I gave him $60 of that to go cure his itch at the casino last night. I love him so much. He will always be my rock. In other news I'm running my old department today in case of payroll related issues, this should be interesting. I'm also car pooling with my boss so that the bear can get the car serviced. So hopefully he'll want to leave early. Happy Friday everyone!!

Wait!! WHAT!!?

I had a half day yesterday (God I feel like I'm in school all over again when I say things like that, in fact I had a dream that I was a teacher last night, probably because we watched "Here Comes The Boom") which started my morning off at the casino to get my freebie, and to my surprise it was $20. So I decided to play it which lasted a whole 20 minutes. Something was nagging me that I should probably go to work earlier than planned, so I got there at 10:12 and was greeted by a very tired partner in crime. She hadn't slept in 24 hours due to personal stuff at home. She said she hadn't finished payroll yet and was just finishing up invoices before the deadline for month end. We told her she needed to go home and sleep, that I could finish payroll. I got the okay from my department and we sent her off to sleep. It hasn't been that long since I switched departments and it wasn't that hard to pick it up again. I only had 4 hours to finish before I got sent home due to the above mentioned half day. So I worked through the error messages many of which were just change of addresses, but there was a rehire who had been deleted from the main system that kept getting kicked out no matter what I tried. So we proceeded without paying her for now. After balancing the hours, payroll was completed within 2 hours, really only 2 hours? I was a happy boy at this time, remembering what to do. Also, I returned some calls from the weekend and was able to get my email cleared out too. For a short day, it seems that I completed all my tasks for the day. With this week being no orientation, I'm taking the time to organize and do another audit of one of our favorite binders that is in my office. Plus, setting up the upcoming new hires and taking over the calling from our assistant. On the biggest loser front, I lost another 6 lbs, so I'm pretty sure I won the competition but since the main organizer wasn't there I didn't receive the prize yet. I still can't believe that I lost 30 lbs in 8 weeks. I'm super excited for the next round which will get me out of the 200's by my birthday in July. It was a great day, and glad that I could help a friend in need. Now only if her children would just fucking cooperate and do what they are supposed to we would live in a perfect world, but it's children stubborn!!

Needing A Change

The only thing that would make life better is to move away from this state. I've had a good life here in Washington, but it's time to relocate. I'm being patient with the lodge down south to be built and the hopes of being transferred down there, but my patience is wearing thin especially with all the changes in the air. I'm pretty sure once we've relocated I could get anything I set my mind to. I just need to be down there. I've realized that no one wants to hire anyone 2 states away, well for the exception of us. We've hired so many people from California it isn't funny. I just need to make my way down there very badly.

What The Funk and Other Random Thoughts

I'm super addicted to a game I've been playing all about music, it's super fun and reminds me of name that tune for the modern era.

Last night went well with all scheduled people showing up with proper documentation was even better. I love my job. I was super annoyed yesterday but it wasn't due to anything in particular just how I was feeling. I really think I handled it well way better than I used to.

I so wish we weren't so poor and idiots for spending our money on useless shit, but such is life right?

Our biggest loser competition is coming to a close and I feel real good about the results and super excited for what's to come afterwards. I pretty much reached my goal way ahead of schedule which brings me to making a new one for the same time period. I would like to be out of the 200's all together by the time my birthday in July comes. I'm tired of not being healthy weight wise.

My goal for work is to be transferred to the lodge slated to be built in California, but I still have a lot to learn before that happens, and thanks to Diva, she's been my teacher for sure. She swears that my talent is in the finance department, and although I agree with her on that, I can't get over the fact that I love what I'm doing now. It fits me more to be the people person that everyone knows and to actually be more knowledgeable to answer their questions better would be awesome.

You know the saying "You don't miss it until it's gone". Well I've been feeling this way for sometime now, but I'm not quite sure on what it is I miss truly. Is it payroll.....hahaha kind of, but not really. My grandpa or my dad, absolutely everyday!! Is it my youth and childhood friends, of course but we have to grow up sooner or later. I'm sure the feeling will subside and boil over like all the other feelings I have. I am human after all.

In 3 weeks the bear's brother is heading to Disneyland, and we couldn't be more jealous. Everyday is torture for both of us, with a lot of events triggering memories of our past trips and making us want to do like yesterday. Since I have a lot of vacation time now it's really hard to just sit here and not do anything. So sad but true.

Yesterday marked my 5th anniversary with the lodge. I truly love what I do with a few minor glitches but I guess that goes with any place. In my experience, everything has it's ups and downs and nothing lasts forever. I'm just afraid what's to come, and the fact of the unknown scares the shit out of me, but it too will pass. Well there you have it random thoughts by a very random person.

Anger Issues

We all have our gripes and complaints, and it's human nature to express them. Normally I can go day to day and hear such complaints and concerns without batting an eye lash, but yesterday just seemed to make me twinge at every turn. I don't know what the hell it was that made my ears listen in on all the negative comments and conversations, but it was like a magnet for them. I stayed in my office and just drowned myself into application after application to where I didn't have to socialize with anyone. I'm a social butterfly as everyone would probably describe me, and I flutter around sparking up conversation where ever I go, but yesterday just seemed to cocoon this guy. On a happier note, I did end up finding a picture of myself for my before picture and OMG I was fat!! I am standing next to my mom before the football game and all I can say is NO MORE BUFFET. With this weight loss success, I'm proud to say as of yesterday I'm down 23 lbs for the competition at work (which only has one more week from yesterday) and down 35 lbs from when I started my diet or I should say life style change because diets fail and people will gain back the weight. Not this clown, I'm so not going through that shit again. I feel better about myself and my whole out look on life isn't so miserable any longer. Now if only I could spread the cheer around again the people mentioned above wouldn't be so angry, but I'm not God and don't have the power to control people, or do I <EVIL LAUGH>

They Can't All Be Great

This weekend was so very low key. We decided to do a little gambling on Saturday night, which meant all plans for Sunday were out the window since we didn't get home and in bed until 4am. I got woken up by a whiny dog at 10 which meant I was in zombie mode all day. Oh the joys of having spoiled dogs. We watched the Oscars last night which wasn't anything that spectacular, just something to do since nothing else was on. Since I haven't seen any of the movies that were up for anything I wasn't really cheering for anybody in particular but was very happy about Anne Hathaway, because she is amazing in my eyes and can play almost anything she wants to. So here's to another week of fun and more fun at work, and to watching a movie with spud after work, maybe.

I'm Sure I Put It Somewhere

So a moment of loss because of extreme exhaustion last night had me misplace my intelligence and instead you got a crazy mother fucker running around laughing at nothing. Granted, I'm normally insane in my own right but I have stages of tired that most people don't know about. They may have some of the similar stages but most people stop at the first one, stubbornness. The other stages for me, is yawning, laughing at completely everything, cranky, fluxes of high and very low energy. This is just to name a few. It's the moment when my brain goes haywire and shuts down to energy saving mode. Gotta love it. Hell if it isn't Friday today, gotta love that right.

What You Don't Know

I saw on facebook the other day a post that someone put on their status that just made so much sense. It said "Ignorance is bliss, no it's simply ignorance is ignorance". These words are so true and so many people actually believe it. Whatever happened to knowledge is power? Did we lose our way in the war against stupidity? Or did we simply give up teaching people that incompetence is not okay and also really annoying? I get that the less we know the less trouble but that's no excuse or an explanation on why people do the stupid, idiotic things that they do. Here's an example: A man kills another man and when asked why he did it, he replies "I didn't know any better". BULLSHIT, and how lame is that excuse. But it falls in the realm of ignorance is bliss. In other words they didn't know that murder was bad. Okay maybe that is a little extreme, but it's truth. So the one saying that rings loud and clear is "What you don't know will kill you". Think about it.

Followed by Spirits

Sunday, we watched Paranormal Activity 4. It wasn't a bad movie, it wasn't great either. Just like the previous 3, it starts out boring as fuck, but finishes up okay. Unlike the first two, this one made no sense and had more product placement then the latter. In other words, it shouldn't have been made. Monday was a normal busy day of playing catch up. Nerves were all over the place with having corporate wondering around. But I paid no mind since there wasn't anything big happening, plus we had an update to one of our systems which found me updating all of our opened positions so that they finally load properly to our location. My partner in crime and I worked on payroll to make sure it was done on time, although she really didn't need my help all that much we did stop a tragedy from happening. She sounds like me when I was doing payroll getting all pissed off at the same shit I did. Diva had Friday and Monday off, so I tried to help her with some stuff, but alas it was futile since I wasn't sure what I was doing. And so instead of making things worse I figured I'd let it wait for the genius to return. All in all it was a good busy day.

On the work out front, I've taken the reigns and wouldn't let my team mate slack even though she was tired and sore. After massaging her neck I could tell she had slept wrong and it caused a knot in her shoulder blade, so we took it a little easier than normal on the walk at work. Diva won the prestigious "Biggest Loser of the Week" on Friday which makes me so damn proud of her. I'm still in first, followed by Diva and then our team mate. Sunday found me walking almost 5 miles not counting what I did with the dogs around the field, which made me happy. Everyday I'm finding myself thinking of new places and further distances to walk to. With no goal in sight just time against me especially on work days, I'm just walking to see how many calories I can burn and so far I'm burning more than I'm taking in. I'm not entirely sure if that is a good thing but it's working. Besides the normal work out I do in the morning the walking is doing me a world of good and the progress is showing because I'm fitting in my old Levi's again. I keep telling myself that I'm not going back to what I was, and I pray that I keep that promise. Also, this should keep the doc off of my back about my weight. I just can't get lazy and with the support I have now, I don't see that happening. Although after the competition is over I'm so eating a burger!! Then it's back to salads for me.

Thinking About You

I dream at night thanking you for being here
I wake and realizes you are not
A symbol of my grief is with this tear
Wanting you to not be gone because I miss you a lot

As the days go by and I get older
The memories start to fade
Deep in my heart is where I hold you
It's because of you are the choices I've made

To find happiness again seems lost
But you wouldn't want me to think that way
You'd want me to carry on no matter the cost
I can still hear those words you would say

You are my son, grandson and friend
Go out and make the world yours
I will always be with you until the end
Live your life and let your wings soar

Don't ever let them get you down
And if you should fall know it's not the final blow
Get back up before you drown
You have much more inside so let it show

Thinking about you makes me smile
Knowing what you taught me makes me stronger
Wishing you were here for a little while
The fact that you love me keeps me going longer

Best Monday EVER!!

I don't think I've ever muttered those words before, but it was actually one of the best days I've had in a long time. Our biggest loser competition is heating up with only 3 weeks left, I was the biggest loser 2 weeks in a row. I also took first place followed by Diva, who will probably get it back at the next weigh in, but it feels good to be on top right now. I hopped on the scale yesterday morning to find that I'm no longer in the 240's but 238. I had suggested we go for our walk at 11:30 yesterday and to do all eight floors twice, but as we made it to the eighth floor, Diva looked at her watch and said we don't have time to do it a second time. So we made our way back down and as we reached the break room there were a whole bunch of people standing around and Diva said let's go see what's going on in there, as she pushed me into the room. We stood around looking bewildered at one another and I knew it was big because our GM was there. My boss man finally showed followed by someone from F&B wheeling in a huge cake. From where I stood it looked like it said "baby" on the cake and I was excited that we were celebrating our admin assistant's new bundle of joy, but as the cake got closer it had my name on it and my boss man announced that I was the employee of the month for January. I got beet red as everyone clapped and was congratulating me. I'm not used to having that much attention on me, but don't get me wrong it felt wonderful. The rest of the day just seemed to fly by as I sat in my office with a swollen head and a permanent smile on my face. I'm so thankful to everyone who voted for me especially my partner in crime for the nomination. She is the best!!

What a Weekend

Friday was awesome, but you already read about that. Saturday was a complete blur. Mostly stayed home and watched our shows and went to bed at 6pm, only to wake up at 8am on Sunday. Sunday was my sister's birthday to which I wasn't able to join her due to finances being so low. But I wished her a good one regardless. She understood and still managed to have a great time. We went shopping for groceries and all that important grown up stuff, and then settled in to watch our Sunday stuff. All in all it was a great weekend.

A Night To Remember

Friday was a normal work day, well sort of. We were all antsy to get our butts out of the office and into the bars. Diva and my partner in crime decided to call it quits early because we couldn't stand it any longer. We first went to my partner in crime's house to change. Since I'm a guy, it didn't take long for me to change so while waiting for my ladies to spruce up, I hung out with my partner in crime's son who showed me his hobby which is building, painting bicycles. That kid has some real talent. I was the DD last night and we took the partner in crime's 300 out on the town. First stop was the casino. We gambled and the ladies drank very strong whiskey and diet cokes, of course I had to have a sip and OMG. A coworker and his wife met up with us while Diva and I ate some delicious food from the Sidewalk Deli. Then we got an invite to meet up with another coworker who happened to be at a local bar in Rochester. So we decided to head out to this redneck bar. It was fun and boy was it entertaining to watch the drunk drama unfold. We played some pool and listened to the music. I decided that since they were having Karaoke, that I would go and sing some Alan Jackson. Good times and sober singing is the best!! After a few more hours, Diva was ready to go and we headed back to the partner in crime's house to end the evening. What a night of harmless flirting, more crack than you'd want to see, and good friends hanging out and letting go.

Here Comes The Weekend

In the spirit of being single, the Diva and my partner in crime are going out on the town tonight with me being the DD. I'm so excited to go and spend some time with my bestest friends tonight. Plus, this morning is our fifth weigh in and my fingers are crossed for more loss. Only the scale will know lmao. Saturday is a huge day of GROCERY SHOPPING YAY!!! Then Sunday me and the bear are headed to Auburn to celebrate my sisters birthday. It's going to be a great weekend.

Things I Wish I Didn't Lose

It's been a few years now since I've actually picked up a pen and paper to write. It was my passion so long ago to become something of an author. It all started with a fun group I created with my cousins that just expanded to something more. I was about 8 or 9 when we created "The Mystery Kids" and would create our own stories. Yeah we copied a lot from Scooby Doo, but as kids we didn't know any better. When I was in second grade, I would write our adventures down and actually found our main antagonist from reading the name off a toilet seat that was made of old newspaper headlines. As I got older, so did the stories and my Aunt Cindy told me that we are growing up and should be known as "The Mystery Teens". I thought it was a great idea and the only big story I wrote ended up with my cousin who was in love with the stories. I think it was a 150 page story by the time I was finished with it and granted it wasn't the greatest read in the world but it was my own creation. My cousin thought it was amazing so he got the only copy, where it is now I have no idea. But my passion grew from that to writing somewhat more "soap opera" like stories and I so wanted to be a writer on "Days of our Lives". My first attempt was a story called "The Lonestar Cafe" loosely based on the Beach Pit off of the original 90210. All the characters were people I knew at the time and the stories were based off of actual events but twisted for more story. I had the character backgrounds, the plot lines for each chapter, and even pictured it playing on TV. Alas, I hit 19 and the story to this day has never been finished. I knew how I wanted the story to go, but never could finish it. I dabbled in poetry a little, but it was more my thoughts written down on paper which I guess is what poetry really is. The bear is always giving me shit because they didn't always rhyme, and I thought to myself "I'm not fucking Dr. Suess." I would write a title and follow it up with words the reflected the title. I also wrote short stories mainly about things that just popped in my head. To this day, I wish I could go back and just write, but life got in the way and permanent writer's block hit, more like the passion was gone. I suppose it is apart of growing up and leaving dreams behind. I still have my poetry, short stories, and the unfinished novel that I look back on and read from time to time just to see if I can spark the interest again. Maybe someday.

Week in Review

This week was a very strange week. With everyone getting sick the days just flew by. Since I was out on Monday, coming in Tuesday saddened by the thought of getting Diva sick and found out one of our other teammates were out as well. Diva ended up leaving early and then calling in the following day which happened to be her birthday as well. What a gift to give a great person on her birthday......a freaking cold!! Wednesday was odd, still feeling the cold I decided to get my work out in anyway not letting the sickness get me down. However, I should have taken it a little easier since I took the stairs and thought I was going to die when I got to the 5th floor. What the hell, and then it dawned on me "YOU AREN'T BETTER YET DUMBASS!!" Yesterday was better, Diva and Lovemuffin were back in the office, but we decided to let our bodies heal and decided not to walk. There were a couple of firings and a few lay offs but all in all it was a very productive day for this cubby. Today is FRIDAY!! and it's our weigh in. I feel like I'm going to kill this one.

On the homefront, we are worried about this next payday. Since I lost so much time at work, I'm scared for my money situation, then I decided this morning to re-evaluate the bill situation and found away to alleviate our money woes. So all is good in that department, plus to my surprise this morning we've received our refund check so mom and dad can be paid off in full and on to the next huge debt our sectional. Then our credit cards. By the end of this we should be sitting pretty for our relocation to Cali. Being a responsible adult is stressful and hard, but not unachievable.  HAPPY FRIDAY BITCHES!!

Against What Is Best

Why do we as humans fight against what we know is best? A simple question but not simple answers. I know that when we are sick we should be taking care of ourselves, because how good are we if we are dead. But we dread what will happen is we miss too much school, how far behind is this going to make me, am I ever going to catch up at work. I know that taking care of yourself makes the sickness easier to fight and control and takes less time for it to heal rather than think you are better and that the meds are fooling you to make you feel better and you go on with your daily routine. Just to find out the following day that you are actually sicker than you started because you didn't take care of yourself. Well, I'm taking this day for me and my cold to say good bye to one another, because it has over stayed it's welcome, not that it was welcomed in the first place. DAMN GERMS!!

All Drugged Up

Thanks to the bear for getting me all the medication so I can at least function at work today. Thank god it's Friday, but still going in on Sunday so I can get those damn applications caught up and find out who is ready for our orientation next week. Plus, I could use the overtime to make up for some missed hours. First, I have to find out if it's okay with the boss man. Thankfully I have Diva and tiny as my coworkers because they do a wonderful job helping me even when they are swamped with things of their own. I love and appreciate you two, and to the boss man for doing my orientation yesterday.

Sick Again?

Well this fucking sucks, first I get the flu after having 11 days off of work and now I have a freaking cold. God I hate being in a germ incubator. Thank goodness I have great support at work who look out for one another.

Time To Shine

I just want to say have fun, and hope that people aren't to pissed about this years event. As much as we try to make it fair, it's not going to go without it's consequence. Like the saying goes, "No good deed goes unpunished".

I Apologize

Friday was a frustrating and stressful day until I let it all go. The positives were me losing 2 more pounds from our Biggest Loser competition at work and mentioned in the Diva's blog team red has lost 20lbs collectively, GO US!! I went from being #2 out of 12 to #3 but we still have 6 weeks to go. My mark is 220 by my birthday. The other positive note was being able to catch up with a good friend over beers and whiskey shots. I never realize how much I miss a person until you don't see them all the time. The weekend was nice and relaxing, but very short lived like they all are. It didn't end the way that I would have hoped due to my outburst to an innocent bear but that will be explained below.

Alright, I think I got them all out of the way, the negatives aren't as many because I'm just not a negative type of person.....okay not all the time. Work is work and I'm not going into great detail about any of that, but I will say this, thanks for taking the fun out of a new learning experience that I really didn't want to begin with. I took it because I figured it was my duty, but realized that I did have a say and that my voice will be heard damn it. A couple of weeks ago, this extra burden was given to me due to my position and that the person before me actually took care of it. But for her it came at a cost because she wasn't good at delegating responsibilities nor was she very organized to where her regular job was being jeopardized. So now it's my turn to take a swing at this and even though I'm way more grounded, I was getting frustrated. On top of it all my job was hurting due to what I called an extracurricular activity that honestly should have went to someone in a management role. But that is all behind me now due to resigning from the head position on Friday. I was hating the fact that it was affecting my work and home life to the point of being unbearable to be around me. I didn't realize it, but I was being short with the bear and not very talkative. Which leads me to my outburst, granted I was sleepy and getting cranky, but that was no excuse to bite the bear's head off over something so stupid. He simply mentioned one little thing and I fucking came unglued. For this I apologize, but what if an apology isn't enough? After calming down and realizing what I had done, we talked and that's when he told me how I'd been acting and that he was glad that I stepped down from the committee at work. He didn't want my health and relationship to suffer for something as small that blew up to be bigger than it should have been. Now it's Monday, and it's time to head back to work, then I realized it's Martin Luther King Jr day and am wondering if the office is even opened. Oh well, I guess I'll find out. 

Who's In Charge?

Yesterday had it's ups and downs and then something snapped in my head. "I will get it done and I will get through this, but going forward we will need to make some changes", is what the voice said. As I sat and listened to the meeting yesterday, I surveyed who the strongest players were and who were not so strong. Those who just want to say shit out loud and those who just wanted to take charge but not be responsible. Here's the thing, we have so many egos sitting at one table whose idea is better than the last and no compromise. When the idea gets questioned feelings are hurt and the side talking begins. If you have something to add fucking say it to the group, not the few people who will side with just you and do it behind the groups back. Reel it back in and lets discuss the concerns instead of turning this whole thing into complete chaos. On top of it all, the person in "charge" is still learning about this sort of stuff. Boy do they learn fast. One good idea was a change in meeting place because of the music being too damn loud. I agreed on that, because it's bullshit to have to yell over the music and then over the side conversations. After this whole experience one thing is for sure, changes need and will be made.

Crunch Time

It's time for our annual award show at the lodge and it's time for me to embrace my new found duties as the head of the committee. I have to get things accomplished before time is up and how embarrassing would it be to have no awards to give out for an award show? And this hyped raffle drawing without prizes? Well today is the day to change all that even if it means staying extra today to finish my normal work because I have about 10 new hires sitting and waiting to be called. As much fun as last week was playing catch up, this week is imperative that I get things done. Wish me luck!!

The Music Man

I would like to say that I listen to different genres of music, but mostly I listen to different eras of music. The more I think about it, I realize it's the same genre just different decade. From Madonna to Lady Gaga, it's the same just evolved a little. The bear and I have talked about this many times and he is stuck in the 80's new wave mainly Dead or Alive. Where as I have a handful of people that I love. My first love was Paula Abdul, and when she went crazy her music lived on in my head when she was "normal". My first rap album was Salt 'n' Pepa thanks to my cousin. First country album was Tanya Tucker, because my mom couldn't find Paula lol. My first metal album was Metallica, which by that time they had already sold out and they weren't the same so I was told. I look back at how my taste have evolved (I don't say changed because I still have and listen to all the old stuff) and start to think of all the bands, artists that have stuck around this long. Weezer was a band that I didn't think too much of until 9 albums later and realized I have them all. Matchbox Twenty and Third Eye Blind helped me get through my adolescence and sparked new interests to other things. Now some people look through my collection of adult contemporary  and say I do have a broad sense of music but the one genre I have the most of is Pop music. Thanks for my love for K$sha and Katy Perry sprinkled in with some Linkin Park, Maroon 5, Panic at the Disco, and Lifehouse. The list goes on and on. I'm making CDs for spaz this morning which sparked this topic for me thinking about what I should do for a mix CD and remembering the days when we made mix tapes for friends and old girlfriends. Funny how things change but stay the same. Well back to burning.

The Beginning

Although I have done and said this before, it's time to lose the weight. I have never taken the advice from the news before, but this year seemed different. Channel 5 went to a gym and was asking trainers what 3 of the most important things to remember when starting a work out regimen. 1. Set goals that are realistic, don't go all out on your first try. Start out small and work your way to the bigger challenges this way you aren't burning yourself out so quickly and not returning to the workout. 2. Have fun with it. Get with a support team like friends or a group to motivate you to workout. 3. (The most important I think) Accountability, announce to people what you are doing so that they know how to help you stay focused on your goals and they can help you succeed. Like the trainer said "If no one knows that you are doing something, then there are many escape routes for you." So with the new season of The Biggest Loser kicks off, our admin office decided to do a competition amongst those who wanted to pay $20 bucks for the winner to win. Prize money you say, nothing says motivation then prize money!! Granted I was already on my diet now I have a chance to do numbers 2 & 3 of the advice listed above. A little friendly competition never hurt anyone and it's a good way to stay focused not only on the health side of things but to kick some butt as well. Now where did I put those damn weights.

Another Victory

Yes, the Hawks kicked some butt yesterday, but the real victory was me getting over being sick and returning to work yesterday to do some much needed catch up. It was nice to see on accomplished task after another get swept off of my desk. However today, I must face the music of my errors. Unfortunately I am human and made some huge mistakes. Yes they can be fixed and Diva is really great at doing that. But I still made them and it angers but humbles me. Granted, I never said I was the best people just assumed.....just kidding. I learn from my mistakes and move on to the next ones lol. HAPPY MONDAY!!

Let's Begin A New

As we enter the 2nd day of the new year, I go back to the office today refreshed and ready to take on more. This past year has had it's ups and downs. This roller coaster ride hasn't come to a complete stop yet. Our paths are paved with the decisions we make and for the first part of last year, all I could talk about it moving to California. Oh look, I'm still in Washington. Granted, it was a great decision on my part and word has it that the lodge down there begins to be built this month, I'm glad that I put those plans on the back burner and decided to work with a great team in the HR department. Now I can learn more and be taught by one of the best. The end of the year went out with a vacation for yours truly, as I relaxed through the holidays like no one's business. Christmas went off without a hitch and we even got a white one. Dinner was good as always, but it's the day after that really defined my vacation with a surprise. We are no longer in the dinosaur ages for we got smart phones!! That's right, the bear decided to go see what offers they had since our contract was coming up at the end of the year while I used one of my Christmas gifts to shop for CDs. As I stood in line to pay, I saw him dart through Best Buy on the phone giving a quick glance over to the line I was in and out the door he went. After I paid, I went to search for him and he was still on the phone with his brother talking about a deal he had found over at the Best Buy phone store. Getting the thumbs up from his brother I did quick math in my head and said we could afford it and a few more this and thats later we were owners of Droid Razrs. These phones are cool and so glad that we decided to upgrade. Friday found us out at the casino (breaking my one rule about being down by the lodge while on my vacation) with a few friends. I'm so glad that I broke that rule because I was able to spend some time with a good friend and my partner in crime who I hadn't seen in a week. I was hoping that I would see the Diva before she left because I hadn't seen her in 2 weeks, but she was already gone. We spent the night gambling and drinking and just having loads of fun. New Years was spent with the brother instead of the bear's parents this year. We drank like fishes and rang in the new year with a buzz or I mean bang lol. Now the tree is down and ornaments packed away for another year, it's time for me to dust of the uniforms and head back to the office.