Hmmm

Random thoughts this morning as it is time to head back to work. I had a thought that might piss some people off, but instead of blasting it all over Facebook, I figured I'd jot it down where no one goes. I thought about going off the grid sort of speak and just let myself become another face in the crowd and disappear which is something I'm really good at. Since I do have the personality of a roller coaster, with my ups and downs, I can be the life of the party or a wall flower that just sits there observing the masses. I'm not one to start shit but when it involves me I certainly can hold my own. It's this feeling I get from time to time that all I want is to be left alone even though that isn't truly what I want. I love being included in night outs with friends and the jokes that are said. I'm not conceited to the point to where I need everything to be about me or even everything said to me. If I'm out of the loop on something I'm not hurt in anyway shape or form. Everyone has their own lives to lead and I'm no different. But today feels blah to me, maybe because it's Monday and I have to go back to work, maybe it's because tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad's passing. Whatever the case maybe, I just want everyone to know that I'm not trying to be a martyr or anything, just some space would be nice. Granted I have a feeling that it's not going to happen because misery likes company. I will put on my brave face and pretend nothing is wrong then get into my car and have a good cry. I will just make sure that I don't have anything sad playing on my drive. I really hate this feeling of helplessness that washes over me, and after a great weekend too. My mind just slips into a bad place and I just can't shake it. The fucked up part is everyone knows me and knows all my moods. But I'm going to fake it as best I can. My partner in crime will notice right off the bat, but I'm going to swear her to secrecy. To the ones who actually do read this please no disrespect but give me my space today.