Victories & Frustrations

It seems lately that no matter what I listen to there are key phrases in songs that set me off. What's worse is my brain will switch out certain words in a song to make me bawl even more yesterday driving to work being the most recent event of this happening. It's been almost 3 years since my dad passed away and some days he is all I can think about. The memories I have are in my forefront and are playing like a home movie in my head. Someone told me that it has to be the holidays that are triggering these and I agree since they started around Thanksgiving with the first memory surfacing was our last Thanksgiving together and the first time I really saw my dad cry. The reason I call this post "Victories & Frustrations" is because he was there for all my victories, graduations, swim team, wrestling, my promotions at work and he was there through all my frustrations and hard times, moving from Grandview and away from all my friends, losing my grandpa, the many pets, and arguments with my mom. This last Easter my younger sister had all of our family pictures and was letting us go through them and take what we wanted and I came across one I had never seen. It is a picture of me and my dad walking towards the ocean just talking. My mom must have taken it without our knowledge. This is one of the many victories that I was talking about because all I hear is his voice telling me how proud his is and that out of all his children, I was the first to take that step of self independence. He would tell me that I was the only one who left home and only came back to visit and when I called I wasn't asking to borrow anything. He would say "Bobby, you are the one who made something of yourself and for that I'm so proud of you" god what I wouldn't give to hear that again. The first time he met the bear was a proud moment for me because my dad just excepted him as part of the family. They sat on the front porch of the house and bullshitted. I miss him so much and very lucky to have had such an amazing person as my dad. I love you!!